Written by Sofia Carbajo.
I think I kinda always knew, the signs were all there, like: when I was a child I used to play more with action figures than with dolls. I’ve always behaved in a “masculine” way, my style has always been the tomboy one, even as a child, etc. As a pre-teenager I never really thought about my sexuality or anything related to that, but I've always considered myself an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. That was until I started high school, that's when I first questioned my sexuality.
One of the reasons that made me question my sexuality was that whenever a beautiful woman would pass by (or be in the same room as me) I would stare at her, at her beauty and imagine what it would be like to kiss her, cuddle with her, have sex with her, basically I would start thinking about having a romantic relationship with that woman.
The other reason was that on my sophomore year I started having lots of sexual dreams, some nights it was with a woman, other nights it was with a man. Up to that point I had never had sex or being in a relationship, but I knew how it worked and all of that. So it wasn’t surprising that I was having that kind of dream.
After a few months of having the same dreams I decided it was time to do research on sexuality, gender identity, dreams and their meaning, and the LGBTQ+ community. When I’d gathered as much information as I could find, I decided it was time for me to do those online quizzes, and boy the results were what I was imagining it to be: That I was Bisexual.
After doing the quizzes I talked to my friends and asked their opinion on it, they’re pretty open-minded people and very supportive. They said that it wasn’t really a surprise for them 'cause they kinda already knew and were just waiting for me to fully come out to them.
So in 2017 (I was 16 years-old) I “officially” come out as Bisexual; and not long after that, two of my closest friends also come out as Bisexual – but that’s not my story to tell.
I also had a hard time accepting I was Bisexual, because I’ve never had any physical attraction to boys; so I started thinking that I may actually be a Lesbian. However in 2019 I came to the conclusion that I am Queer (or Bisexual, the label doesn’t matter) and that sexuality is fluid; now I'm identifying as bi, but a few months or years from now that can change.
I still haven’t come out to my parents nor to anyone in my family, I don’t know how that conversation will go. I’m still not comfortable to talk about sexuality and sex with them, and I’m scared of my father’s reaction (we're pretty close). Eventually I will do it, but not right now, preferably when I’m not living with them
